Moving on is what I had to do
You threw me away
so away I left....
I lived on to be better.
You didn't believe in me
You didn't believe how much I loved you
So instead I started loving me
the way I loved you and damn it
Everything I do has always given me an inspiration and shaped me to be who I am today. Just to warn you now you will often hear or read that I was or am inspired by. Lol
When I was 19 yrs old I was GOING THROUGH IT!!! I could not understand my life at all. I didn’t understand anything, I didn’t know what my true purpose was, all I wanted to do was the right thing. But what was the right thing? I just couldn’t understand it.
I was pregnant, engaged and scared out of my mined for many reasons. I have always dreamed of being married with kids, but I felt like it was just too early. A year later I was a mother and a wife and super unhappy. The question of what if always popped up in my head. I felt l like I was suffocating, I felt like there was so much I needed to learn, and I have always known my purpose, I always knew what God created me here for BUT I was just so lost on why my life was the way it was. I should be happy, I should be OK with being with one person and my son. It’s what I always wanted…. right?
But in my mind, I just knew I wasn’t right, in my heart I felt like I did the right thing but not at the right time. We both wanted to do the right thing and that’s what we focused on but I have always been a firm believer in doing the right thing and being happy doing it. I wasn’t happy in my marriage and not that he was a bad husband because no way was, he but I just knew it wasn’t meant for us to be together.
It was hard to hurt someone that doesn’t deserve to be hurt but its even worse to stay with someone you don’t feel the same way they feel. So, we made the choice to get a divorce, it was hard in the beginning but he understood and always knew I had a great heart. Now during my divorce is when I fell into this movie and I promise changed MY LIFE. There’s a lot of things I’ve seen that has changed me but I PROMISE you this was the beginning of really knowing my purpose and I knew that I was on the road to my journey that God set for me, however I was not prepared for it lol
The movie “EAT PRAY LOVE “really changed me and made me see that even the hard decisions you don’t quite understand but somehow you still follow your heart and that inner voice is what life is. Aiming for your happiness is what truly counts, being good to others, inspiring, making memories, having wonderful friendships and relationship. It’s not being selfish but you can’t stay stuck in things that seem right but you’re not happy in. During the movie she couldn’t find her word, she was so confused, I wish I could fully explain this movie but this will turn into a book. lol Over the course of my 20’s I made many mistakes and I truly can say I don’t regret a thing. Who I am today is based on those hard choices I made, the sacrifices I made, most of all the memories I have to keep me leveled.
My life hasn’t been easy by all means I unfortunately have suffered more; however, I understand that all that suffering, all those dark moments have brought me to this place in life. Where I stand now is amazing and I am so proud of what I have accomplished, the things I’ve overcome and I can’t begin to tell you the strength I discovered within myself. Being a Latina is hard, being a single mom is even harder and by far the hardest job. Together it’s a huge challenge and now starting my own business!!! I can’t begin to tell you how, I am in the most challenging place in my life, yet its exciting and it keeps me motivated to keep doing it all. I refuse to fail and my purpose is being fulfilled. My relationship with God is closer than ever. I adore my kids. I am proud to say I am a woman of many words but one I hold dear to me right now in this place in my life is Courage
I had the courage every time to fight for what I believe in, to stay true to myself and most of all to keep going even when I felt I couldn’t. even when the people I thought would be there for me, and even the ones that betrayed me.
Courage—The ability to do something that frightens one, and strength in the face of pain or grief.
I get asked a lot of questions about being a single mom.
Why am I a single mom?
Is it Easy?
How do I do it?
Am I Scared?
Would I ever date again?
I decided to go back to what I do best and that's writing. Even though I have many other great talents but writing has always been something I have been 100000% confident in. Its' where my TRUE TRUE self come out with no shame, no fear, just ME. When I write I get into this mindset it just flows. (It's very freeing) when I'm done often times I make myself cry because it has been a life struggle to get people to understand me and I've noticed my writing does effect people the way it does to me.
I stopped because life happens and like this title I am a single mom literally doing it all. I juggle a lot of things and I honestly get sidetracked a lot and I try to do the best I can and what I learned most is to not let it get the best of me. I use to be so effected by not doing everything but unless your in my shoes you just don't understand. I am the provider, mom, dad, role model, protector, good cop, bad cop...etc. I am the main one they depend on.
Thank god I have my mother and my sister that holds me down tremendously. I don't think a lot of my accomplishments would have been done if I didn't have their support. I am a dreamer yes but I am always determined to turn my dreams into reality at all cost. I refuse to allow my situation take me away from my purpose. That's what keeps my fire going.
I look at my kids and I truly feel like I owe them and myself the life we deserve, just because I don't have a partner to help me doesn't mean I am helpless. It just means I am doing a little extra and it will take a little longer but as long as I have air in my lungs I will continue to keep going.
Why am I a single mom, well trust me it wasn't because I chose to be, but I was put in a situation where I had to choose and I chose the best decision for my kids. I rather my kids see me happy, working and aiming for my dreams, doing whatever I have to do to live righteously, follow gods purpose and strive for greatness the way god created me to be, then staying in a relationship where they see mom unhappy, crying, sad, alone, just cleaning and cooking, laundry everyday. Now I don't knock women that stay at home believe me I was that but its not for ME. I am not that woman, because I was in that place where I didn't want to be but chose to be for my family, I became very unhappy and unhappiness was the main source of my life and my kids were seeing it. I was projecting that onto everyone and I was losing myself more everyday. So the choice to stay in a unhealthy relationship, where there was no improvements or choose to fight for a better life. I chose to fight for a better life. Unfortunately my dreams and aspirations didn't matter and so I had to choose to live my dreams and choose happiness alone.
I didn't want my kids growing up thinking that this is life. Seeing mommy unhappy and crying.
I want my kids surrounded by inspiration and happiness and I will do whatever it takes to make sure that is my #1 priority.
Is it Easy? HELL NO
Omg it's so hard, I still don't know how I do it. I get overwhelmed yes but God has been my main source and honestly, I have tried to always live a positive lifestyle so I am constantly watching, reading and researching on how to be a better me, how to gain strength and how to be as organized I can. Once you realize and accept not everything is gong to go as planned that sense of fear leaves and you trust that everything will fall into place and that if you just keep trying your best and keep fixing the mistakes and get better it will work out.
Honestly I stopped watching a lot of things that will cause me to think negative. If I do I make sure it's not the first thing I listen too or the last. I listen to motivational speeches all day long. Tony Robbins, TD. Jakes, Steven Furtick, Joyce Myers, Lisa Nichols are my fav right now. and I cant live without hearing something that fire me up and keeps me balanced because believe me things get thrown my way, things happen, people talk, and so when all these things happen I have to remind myself to stay calm and apply the stuff I learned to action.
How do I do it?
I just do!!
I don't make excuses for myself anymore, I don't blame everyone anymore. I am part of this too. This is my life and I chose this path too. I have to take responsibility. Since he decided that they weren't his responsibility doesn't mean I have to live angry or give up. I forgive and move forward yes I said it. I forgave. I let go, and pushing forward, I refuse to watch someone move on as if we never existed and I sit home crying. NO NO instead I make the best of what is happening and my kids are my WORLD. Their smiles, their funny ways and just watching them grow up and love me is the best. Plus I get double love since I'm mommy and daddy. I'm watching how loving and caring they are, how smart they are becoming and most of all I am their reflection and that makes me so emotional just thinking of it. I am watching my kids become amazing human beings and that shows the type of human being I am. and I am pretty amazing!
Am I scared?
Yes I'm scared that I wont get to show my kids what Love is when your committed to someone. I don't want them growing up, jumping from relationship to relationship or thinking being alone is better. ultimately I want them to be happy and confident with themselves. But I must say there is nothing like being in love with someone and being on this high that you cant truly explain. Love is amazing but with the right person that is willing love and respect you the same way. So I fear that I wont get to show them that yes. However I trust that God will make all things happen and right for our future. I believe in that fairy-tale love and I wont settle for anything less. I believe that God will bring the love I deserve.
Would I ever date again yes. Right now I am so focused on HEALING. Healing wounds that were never fully healed from starting with my father leaving me and living his life as if I never existed. It all started from him and in order to truly move forward and gain peace I have to deal with my wounds, make sure my scars are fully healed and make sure my SELF- LOVE game is SUPER strong. but who knows what God's plan is. I could meet the man of my dreams tomorrow. I don't know what tomorrow is promised. But what I do know is that I have to be good. My pain from my last relationship was the worse. and so forgiving and healing is what I am focused on. No man deserves the weight of the last man.
So to conclude this I am truly proud of the woman I have become
I am proud of the mother I've become and how much I fight for them. How much they give me purpose. They keep me alive they keep my fire burning and I want every generational curse to end with me.
so whatever pain and challenges I have to face I'll take it for them I'll do the hard work and I'll learn it all so that I can be the best role model and teacher for them.
"I want to raise Legends not just humans"
It's hard when you have been through some harsh situations in life and it ends up really effecting you.
Its not easy when your going through it alone, now it doesn't matter how big or small your situation, your struggling, you don't feel yourself, its like inside you truly have no desire to work on yourself because the pain is to strong. I am here to help you. To help give you tips that truly has helped me but most of all STILL helps me.
There is always room for growth so I'm improving and creating new ways to build more strength and focus on myself.
No-one will love you the way you love yourself and I know thats been said quite often but to be honest it is the truth. I have had my share of relationships and I have definite had my share of heart breaks. I tell you this, the biggest lesson I've learned was to never lose ME. Never stop taking care of me. The more I take care of myself the more prepared I am for struggles. When you feel more secure in who you are and what your capable of doing there is nothing you can't accomplish, and when times get rough you can get through them.
Now feeling beautiful again is all about starting from inside-out. You can't put makeup on, get a new hair-do and still be bitter and unhappy inside. I know people who rather spend hundreds of dollars on their clothes and their appearance but inside they are still mean and unhappy.
10 Ways To Feeling Beautiful Again
B Balance Your Time
It's important to do the things you love that helps you feel good. Brings you joy and makes you feel like you don't have to worry. Even if it's for an hour, make that time for yourself;It doesn't matter what it is. I am a woman of many talents lol.. So I truly can find something to do that makes me happy. I love to draw or paint, I love DIY projects, I'm obsessed with makeup, I love to write and read poetry. etc...
I try to focus on anything inspirational. Usually I like to write or paint. I don't paint anything negative I look on Pinterest and see what inspires me. Balance is key. I
f you don't make time for yourself, it will be difficult to aim for happiness.
E Edit Your Emotions
I can't express how important this is. To get better, a positive mindset is so important for so many reasons. When you're thinking positive there are positive outcomes right?
It is so important to surround yourself with positive people and environment. if your trying to get yourself on a better mindset but you have a friend, family member, spouse thats negative chances are you will fall back into your bad habits. Of course you can't just get rid of them but limit your time for a little and focus on your thoughts. When they are around be open and communicate what you're going through and right now you need a positive support system through this tough time. If they aren't happy with your choices, well I think you know whats next... I cant tell you what to do but to be honest I didn't have a lot of support from the people I had around me and it really effected me. I felt more lost and confused. So I started listening to motivational speeches and sermons. Reading quotes, I even changed my Instagram and followed people that inspired me. Lisa Nichols, TONY ROBBINS, Sarah Jakes Roberts, Steven Furtick etc.... look them up on you tube.
They were a huge help for me.
Say Yes more... Right now at this very moment you deserve it all. You deserve to be happy, you deserve to be successful and you can make your dreams come true. First stop saying no and being afraid and say YES I CAN DO IT!
YES I WILL have all that I want.
Be very observant of whats around you but also stay focus on YOU. Your movements, thoughts what to stay away from and what makes you feel good. It is so important. Now what helps me stay observant is writing things down life can get hectic. Anything that smells good, helps calm me and helps me get focused. I have natural oils and it really helps me focus on my senses.
The Body Shop is amazing with scents!!
Do I have to explain this in detail? lol
You are unbreakable, unforgettable. You can do the unimaginable but you have to be your biggest strength right now. I know it seems hard right now, I know you don't see a way out but my love there is!!!!
Stay Strong and don't give up....
Now is the time to transform yourself into a new you, prepare yourself for this journey because it will be a challenging one. Your going to be aware of so much with yourself and around you, this is the test if you truly want what belongs to you. To be honest if it really is it doesn't matter the sacrifice because the desire for change, the desire for a new life filled with happiness means more to you than anything else. When the tough times come, like I tell my mom, tunnel vision. Focus on your target and nothing else matters.
Through my transformation I can tell you my days are more good, I'm healing but in the beginning it wasn't easy. Can you believe how hard it is to mourn the lost of someone alive? I have to cry for someone that is alive and ok with how we ended and is ok with living without me. When I planned my whole life with him, But as I move forward I think of how someone changes.... they can love you beyond words and then change. As I learn some people change for the better or for worse. I want to be with someone that will help me grow for the better as he does the same with me. I am huge with uplifting and encouraging my man to be the best that he can be. my reason why I do that is because I want him to see that he is the light of my life and that I will always be his biggest cheerleader. Unfortunately it didn't work out that way. Our issues got bigger than us. I started to transform myself, I had hit rock bottom and I kept thinking, I will not give him or anyone else the satisfaction to see me broken. I will take care of ME because I know I am not perfect, I am aware of my flaws and I want to keep growing. The man God has for me should get nothing but the best for me.
I don't see that happening for a long time, right now it doesn't feel right to me to move on and be with someone else. I don't understand how other people can lol
Right now its all about me for a change, Becoming the BEST version of JULIEVET.
Right now should be the time to transform the BEST version of YOU!!!!
Start Glowing from within!!! My love....You have a second chance at life, at getting whatever your heart desires. Illuminate from within because
YOU ARE AMAZING.
YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL
Can you picture your life running and smiling through a new adventure somewhere?
Can you picture your life walking a beach on a beautiful island? You can be there just BELIEVE
GLOW from inside because you can have that life!!!
LOVE and never stop believing in LOVE.
God still LOVES us without judgment. With our brokenness, with our mistakes he continues to love us unconditionally.
YOUR BEAUTIFUL DON'T GIVE UP
start GLOWING MY LOVE
F Feel Fabulous
Now today your going to start looking at clothes that your afraid of and your going to try them on in the dressing room. lol I started doing this and I promise you it helps. Now I am a single mom, I hardly ever have time for hair and makeup when its time go shopping, but on the days I'm going to the mall andI know I need to buy clothes for whatever crazy reason, I do my hair and makeup. Nothing crazy but a look I know like and feel confident in. It really helps you when your looking for new outfits.
Think about it when your hair is messy or you have a baseball hat which was 90% of the time me..lmao, you have no makeup you already don't feel as confident as usually are....smh But I'm telling you the next time you go shopping try it!!
I usually just do a cute ponytail and of course if I get the time I let my hair out curly or straight, when I do my makeup I just even out my skin tone, contour a little and put on a good mascara or maybe lashes. lol I'm obsessed with lashes, I just love wearing them but for you it is whatever helps YOU feel good. I promise you when you try on new outfits it truly helps. Now next time you go out shopping remember what I said and let me know how your experience was.
Your BEAUTY is YOURS!
Look in the mirror and fall in LOVE with everything unique about you. From your beautiful eyes to the little beauty mark on you cheek.
I have a thousand freckles, I have a scar right above my eyebrow. I tell you this, it took a long time to appreciate my freckles and that scar but to me it's beautiful now. I wear it proudly and I'm not ashamed of it, It's something UNIQUE about me. I except it completely.
Look in the mirror when everyone is sleeping. and if you live alone even better. Now try this, instead of looking at what you want to fix. First look at what you see is unique and fall in love with it. Look deep into your own eyes and tell YOURSELF, your beautiful. You can look at someone else you love deep into their eyes and say beautiful things.
Well now its time to do it for YOU!
L Level Up
This goes hand in hand with Transformation But this is starting new things. Transformation is your personal growth, changing bad habits, starting new routines, getting outside the box with YOU.
Leveling up on whats around you. Rearrange your room, or even your apt, do a SPRING CLEANING in your house, buy something new that you have been wanting. Right now I'm focus on the holidays but I am also trying to re-do my bedroom. I have always focused on the front of the house or my kids room. I never really took the time to do what I truly want to my room and now that I am going through this journey with you, I want a completely new room. Now I am a DIVA lol so I am planning on making my room so GLAM AND SPARKLY IT'S insane.!!! lol
But I don't care because I DESERVE IT. I always put others and everything else before me. and although I will never stop being that way, but I have to always think of myself and make sure I am good and happy too. I am a great woman and I deserve the things I want. SO today YOU deserve everything you want as well. LEVEL UP!!
I spelled out Be-YOU-Tiful with these 10ways for you to understand mostly out of all of this is to BE YOURSELF. There is no greater feeling than being able to be who your are, to act and talk the way you do and to not feel judged by anyone. I have realized so much, what I take from what I've learned in the past few years is that I am a good woman with flaws. I have made mistakes and I have learned and grown. I shouldn't be judged when I don't do horrible things, I am loyal, faithful, loving, dependable and just DAMN AMAZING!!! lol
Be who YOU are and the people that LOVE YOU will except you from head to toe.
If you're feeling alone, you feel like you need more advice or one on one help with what you're going through. Don't hesitate to contact me and ask questions or you just need someone to vent too.
Our conversations stay confidential.
I will do the best I can to help you getting back on your feet and feeling the BEST VERSION OF YOU!!!
This Song is absolutely AMAZING and I hope it helps you as it has helped me...
I have to say this before I say anything else! It sure feels good to be back!!!
I cant believe how long I've been away and not being able to help someone was truly effecting me. Days would go by and I constantly thought about writing but unfortunately life happened and certain things kept me away from what I love most.
This is apart of me, and to think that this part of me I almost threw away. For my own personal reasons of course but mainly fears. Fear of not going anywhere with this, fear of being myself, fear of so many other things as well.
I must tell you this. I AM NOT AFRAID ANYMORE.
I have this feeling I've never felt before.
All I can say is that it took me fighting for myself and who I was to see the woman I am.
Does that even make sense?
I was told to be this way, told to change, I was told to take this job and this job told me to be this way, I fought with this person and I defended that person.
I was in constant battle with myself and listening to other voices that only wanted to see me the way they saw me and the way they WANTED me to be.
They didn't see me the way I knew me!!!
To please them I tried so hard to change, to listen to those voices and trust that maybe they were right and I was wrong.
The more I listened' the more lost I became. Sadly the more I fought to be myself, the voices became louder and painful. So painful that deep in my soul was being effected by it. I don't know about you but when your soul hurts it's a body ache you cant move from, a migraine that keeps you from the light, a stomach pain so bad you can't even smell food.
I found myself LOST.
This woman I saw in ME so beautiful, so happy, so pure was being changed into an image she couldn't see herself in.
Why couldn't I be loved being me
Why I couldn't I be appreciated for being me
Why couldn't I be treated how I deserved being ME
I couldnt understand!! I am Loyal as a friend, wife, a human being PERIOD.
I am Loving, caring, trusting, dependable etc....
When I love, I love HARD and all the way. I will do whatever it takes to make sure you know your safe with me, that through any tough time I will be there for you.
Unfortunately The people I lost very dear to me in my life weren't the same in return.
I realized that my happiness did mean more to me and that I wasn't being selfish I was being how your supposed to be. They were being selfish and making sure their feelings were first.
What hurt most was when I got tired of the loud painful voices and I screamed ENOUGH. Suddenly I became the horrible one. Suddenly I'm the enemy.
Thank God I know my worth and thank God I have the ability to see things some people just don't see and if they do they don't take accountability for it.
I had to take huge steps in my life. Most of the steps didn't work out right but it taught me a lot.
Ive failed a lot this year in many ways, but I have learned a lot from it.
I see more clearer than ever, I see where I'm supposed to be and what I'm supposed to do. Sadly I lost some people dear to me but I cant dwell because they chose to leave and so I chose to move forward and when new people come in my life I know to be more cautious. I know my heart doesn't deserve the pain it's endured and never again will I chose to be someone I'm not.
Love me FOR ME or don't love me at all.
So to end this But I promise you I will talk more about this...
I am obsessed with the movie Cinderella.
(The Real one that came out in 2015 not the animated one)
In this version I guess I took it so deeply because I can relate to her but in this movie her mother taught her to be Courageous and Kind and during the whole time cinderella was mistreated, she tried so hard to stay the way her mother raised her to be. She was so beautiful and you can see that just all around cinderella was kind inside. Her stepmother tested her, made her do things she didn't deserve until it came down to her survival and what meant most to her. and that was LOVE. She stood up for LOVE, but the BEST PART was as she walked away with her prince, she turned around to her stepmother and with grace she said I forgive you.
She forgave and walked away to her new beginning, not allowing what had happened to her change or effect what she was starting.
This movie spoke to me in so many ways that I will be writing more about it. If you haven't seen it PLEASE DO!!!!
Ive lost a man I swore up and down was my prince charming, I've lost friends I've had for years and I even lost a family member. But in the end I lost them because being who I was just wasn't enough. Of course for many reasons and one day I will speak on it but for now as I'm falling in love with JULIEVET again. I'm Healing. As tho I am very happy and excited that my future is brighter, I still mourn for the lost. It's not easy erasing the good moments but when the bad out ways the good. You have no choice but to walk away and do whats best for you.
I have realized that although I am not perfect, I am truly an amazing person and all I've ever wanted was loyal people by me to uplift me and be there for me as I have been for them.
Life has a way of teaching you a lesson. These lessons I take with an open mind and heart, I know that God will show me why on his timing.
This movie showed me so much but showed me that I am courageous, I am kind
That if no one loves me or accepts me for me, then walk away.
I will stay who I am because who I am
This is for you today!
As I sit here again with that fear inside me to open up, again feeling like I will be judged; I fight that feeling daily. "WE ARE NOT PERFECT!"
All of us are fighting something today. All of us has something going on that prevents us from moving forward. It can be a relationship, a job, a friend, even a family member, or believe it or not it can be your past that keeps you from your future. It blows my mind how most of us are not aware of these things. Even myself...
We focus on the now, the pain or problem. It blinds us from seeing how it effects us in so many ways. Some people think because they are so smart they think they know how to do things. Well you can read any book, newspaper, sermon etc.
Nothing will teach you about YOU but YOU...
When you except how you are, the things you do right and wrong is when GROWTH happens.
You have to face why things keep happening.
Face why people continue to not like how you are or how you act.
Face why relationships don't work out.
Face why you continue to lose jobs then succeed in one.
Now its hard! We don't want to look in the mirror. I still have some challenges, I'm not perfect! We don't want to see the darkness, the pain, the vulnerability. We live in world now where vulnerability means weak. I say thats WRONG!! Vulnerability means strength to me. Shows how strong you are to show your heart and not afraid of judgment. Shows COURAGE. Yea you give the wrong people the door to try to take advantage but thats where again GROWTH happens. You start to open your eyes more and you see who deserves it and who doesn't. The best part is that you handle it with poise. Don't get bitter don't hate life. Life isn't the problem. Try and understand it and think positive. Why wake up sad and frustrated? I don't want that kind of life!!
The last conflict I had truly tore me apart. I wont get into detail too much because the wound is still fresh. A man I created two beautiful babies with has betrayed me in so many ways I just couldn't possibly believe it. Not only did he trick me to believing that finally we can get along and just co-parent and be on the same page. His jealousy took control and his anger started to take over and not only did he create problems with me but I truly saw a side of him I would never imagine. I saw the immaturity and the evil inside him that continues to shock me. The fact that he can go so low to ruin my relationship with someone that makes me so happy shows how much he still hurts, is still angry and not with me with himself. I had to realize at that moment there is really people that don't want to see you happy. He still deals with issues he's fighting and it took a dear friend to tell me a few words that completely changed my way of thinking. She texted me and said "hurt people, hurt people"
When I read that I realized instead of dwelling on what he did, I had to take a step back and realized what I DID WRONG BY ALLOWING HIM TO HURT ME YET AGAIN!!!
There is just some people in your life that you just cant keep giving chances too and you just have to forgive them for YOUR peace and you don't have to keep in your life. I thought we can build a friendship and co-parent but then I realized the lies that continue and will continue has nothing to do with me anymore. Removing myself from the situation instead of making it worse by going back and forth was the best for me and my kids. In the end my kids need their parents and I will never take that away from them. My issues with him has nothing to do with him being a father and that I will never take away either. But as a human being he has a lot to fix and I will not allow his pain, his hurt, his anger affect my life, my family and my relationship anymore. He's in denial and thats on him, but I will not live in denial I will not live life not looking in the mirror.
My point of he was in it...
God was in all that mess every step of the way. He showed me how much I've grown, how I've become stronger in fighting for myself and what I stand firm with. "My Faith".
My world had to get shaken up a bit to show me he's still here. The devil makes us comfortable sometimes. Don't you find yourself praying less when things go great? When your money is right, job doing good, relationship going good and you don't even thank him or call out on him as much as you did when things were not good! God allows things to happen so that you can remember he is and always will be GOD. He will always be the one to help you through anything you just have to realize its not on YOUR timing. This is where we learn patience. Seeing my mother so affected by what I was going through and her watching me literally get sick is something I will never forget. My mother watched her daughter waste away from a pain I couldn't bare. But she never left my side. Even when we couldn't understand each other from all the emotions she stayed as my rock. Thats how God is with us. I thought I lost my boyfriend a relationship so different and unique in many ways. I've noticed how we are both learning from each other. He makes me want to be better and better and I see how much he wants to be better, we don't judge each other. We accept who we are now because we know where we are going.
Almost being broken shows how much we care for each other emotionally. God was in it. He allowed something that would have definitely made us walk away. Sometimes what we are going through is to show us God is here and we need to always lean on him but not through just the tough times but through the good.
He was in my struggle
He was in my success
He was in that bathroom when I cried my eyes out hoping for better days
He was on the phone with me when I got great news that day
He was next to me when I cried myself to sleep heartbroken
He was next to me when I got that acceptance letter.
I know you can relate to one of these or you can make your own.
You know God is always apart of it.
You don't have to be religious to understand God.
Just understand thats it's not about YOU and the timing YOU want him to come.
Many of us get angry with him or don't believe in him because again we live in a world that we have to see to believe. I tell you this, He comes in many forms.
Stay aware cuz he was in it...
Today learn who your are and then take a second to understand why?
but always know Hes there and always will be...
I cant even believe how long it's been since I've been on here and to see how much of you still look for me, still go on and read my blogs truly make me feel so good. Actually it's motivating in most ways. I think of writing every day. It's crazy how you can get distracted to easily from life.
Well... I have been 30 for 6 months and I must say way an emotional rollercoaster it has been. I didn't expect my life to change when I turned 30, I didn't expect things to be so new that I could forget my 20's but I did expect to be more aware and more sure of the choices I need moving forward in my life.
Everyday I want to write everyday I have a new topic to write and talk to you all about and I always feel this sense of fear creep up inside me. Feelings of judgment, feeling ashamed, feeling overly blessed, feeling like a failure, feeling extremely beautiful...lol let me explain a little more.
I never want to give you the impression that my life is too shitty or too perfect. I want to bring you so much information on what I learn with my own life hoping it will help you but then the overthinking part comes along and I tend to really analyze how I would portray myself.
People take things so literal now a days that choosing each word wisely has been in full effect.lol
BUT today I realized actually maybe a month ago I realized that I AM HUMAN!!! Wow seriously
I AM HUMAN!!!
I make mistakes, I have flaws, I have talent and awesome creative skills, I am beautiful, I also have health problems, and I also have emotional baggage to still deal with...
I am HUMAN!!
I am ok with having these things, it shows my growth in many ways. I am very aware of myself, who I am as a woman and I love myself very much. What I truly battle with is people not seeing me...
That is where honestly the insecurity kicks in. Where I start to find ways to prove myself to everyone rather then just letting them see me and my actions. I often chase after people then just allowing the time to align us together, allow my actions and personality show them who Julievet is. I am very proud that I will never allow myself too loose who I am to someone but I am not proud that I am still weak in some ways to make people see me for me. But I AM HUMAN!!
I am learning and what I am truly happy about is that I am not afraid to lose anyone or anything anymore. Of course the worry kicks in but I truly think if you think that life is better without me then why should I beg you to stay, when you have already opened the door and walked out?
I have been so afraid of being alone and people leaving me that I would do so much to get them to stay and that is truly an insecurity I had to face and deal with. But I also came to understand it is true my daddy issues that connect to all of this. Whether it is friends, or relationship I am learning that having to bend backwards to prove what a great woman, is not only exhausting and time consuming but it is not beneficial to me because I am not gaining anything from this extra work. I am only wasting time on trying so hard when the risk is high on losing that friend or relationship. I am what I say I am. So I make mistakes YES but I know that the heart I have is pure and rare and very hard to find. This is not being conceited in anyway, but I know what I offer. I know how much I can love and support someone without feeling pressured without giving up.
I am happy that I'm in this place of mind. I am happy that I am not scared of being alone anymore. I battle how much will I tolerate to prove myself to someone. I know proving your loyalty is suppose to happen but whats the limit? What is the end point where you throw your hands up and say I have had enough!!! If you can't see me for me then you wont ever!!
I have literally lost so many friends this year and a few relationship already. I have done things I've never done before to prove my loyalty and honesty and to be completely honest I don't regret it but I regret the people I did it for. Some people just don't deserve a part of you. I am learning that a friend or man should earn pieces of me.
I am HUMAN.....
Wow!! I’m 30
So many emotions run through me,You may take this as just another year getting older; some may think I am making this bigger then it is. When you lived my shoes, endure the pain the way I have, you can kind of understand why turning 30 is so important to me. My 20’s were filled with mistakes, guilt, selfishness, sacrifices, betrayal and so much heart ache. Don’t get me wrong there was a lot of joy but I allowed the negative to cloud the good moments and hold me back from so much.
I let my pain be excuses for my actions.
I let my guilt control my mind
I let men into my life that had no business being there!
I’m opening up and confronting myself more and more as to why these things happened and why I made the same mistakes.
I want to wash away everything I let hold me back.
FEAR held me back
INSECURITY held me back
BEING A VICTIM held me back
I let this moments of being taken advantage pull me down and suck me into a dark place. A dark place I was in for 10 years
10 years of looking for love, wanting someone to love me because I didt love myself. I would look in the mirror and be so disgusted of myself.
Thoughts of dying were a regular to me.
I looked for outlets all the time
I looked for anything to heal me
I even chose the wrong men which made things worse, wanting to be loved so bad that I didn’t pay attention to the reds flags. I just wanted to feel love, like an addict needs drugs. Then after my kids father being the worse break up and man I’ve ever known.
I realized I needed to FOCUS on ME
I needed to LOVE ME
so instead of staring in the mirror and hating what I saw I look at the things I see beautiful
instead of wanting him to come back I told myself what he was missing out on.
I started looking at life differently after being close to death.
that moment was the scariest moment of my life.
I looked at my kids and didn’t ever want to put them through the heartache of not having their mother.
I started fighting for my life.
I started loving myself and I started realizing that I am strong and amazing.
I started to appreciate life because it could have ended at 29. It could have been done and I could have died with sorrow in my heart.
That is not not how I want to die and thats certainly not how I want to live anymore.
I want to be successful, I want to be healthy so I can live long to watch my kids grow.
As for LOVE well thats on hold. lol
I want to fall more in love with myself, I’m still not all there. No ones perfect and my journey has been a roller coaster.
I fell in love with someone and unfortunately it didn’t work. BUT I still believe in LOVE and I know that it will happen so my focus is on my kids, my career and ME. Falling in love was great and I’m glad that I did because it shows after the worse heartbreak of my life that my heart still works…
things just don’t work and instead of forcing it, just let it go…
saying goodbye to my 20’s is an amazing feeling because I’m saying hello to a new book in my life.
I am welcoming more love, happiness and peace.
Im not going to stress on what I cant control and I am def not going to shed tears the way I did.
I am looking forward to this new journey and I have control of this journey.
I am not a victim anymore I am a SURVIVOR.
It’s time to start Living…
OK so lets be honest after a heartbreak we tend to slip into a depression. We cry all day, not wanting to eat and then when we do its the unhealthy foods...lol
I'm giving you a little help and realization on how to help yourself feel beautiful even through the pain.
Now lets be completely REAL... We never get over someone right away and if you are like this then I need you to email me and tell me how you do it...lol
The process of getting over someone is going to take some time and its OK to miss them. I don't understand why this generation is so cold. Everyone suppresses their feelings.
I am not built that way. If I feel, I tell. If I feel I hurt. I think that is the biggest reason why I am still positive, and happy through all the crap I go through. Now my life isn't perfect believe me, I actually meet a lot of people that hurt me and take advantage of my heart but somehow I always bounce back. Somehow I get over it and I keep moving. Now don't get me wrong I have my moments where I still hurt over a situation but it's a passing feeling. The key is to remember its not forever. The pain gets easier. Theres no point on dwelling over someone that isn't dwelling over you. That is not trying to make it work as much as you are. Most of all that is not invested 100% as you are.
Also know who you are... THAT IS SOOOO IMPORTANT!!!!
When you know the kind of woman you are then you know what you can offer and then you know that it's not your loss, it's his. Now yes it still hurts, it will make you insecure because you know your this great person but he treats you as if your not. Except that he's not ready or just not the man for you. If its meant to be it will be and if he really wants you he will do whatever he has to do to get you back and keep you. If he doesn't then he doesn't care. Then move on. It's hard believe me, But you have to remember what you deserve. I had to have one of my best friends remind me of my own advice. lol so trust me this isn't easy but you can def get through this. Now here are 5 ways to help you feel BEAUTIFUL through the pain.
1 Get up in the morning and smile. I know this sounds cheesy but think about it. God gave you another day of life. Which means another chance at life. Smile and tell yourself its going to be better. SELF-Motivation has helped me thorugh some REALLY TOUGH moments in my life. Ask God ask for guidance and healing through this pain. Now if you don't believe in God then smile and just tell yourself today I LUV ME ENOUGH TO MAKE ME HAPPY.
2 Get in the shower blast music that makes you want to dance. or that wont make you cry..lol.
Take an hour, exfoliate, shave everything, wash your hair, put a deep treatment in your hair, brush your teeth,(the regular routine) make the shower as hot as you can take it. Stand there and focus on the heat touching your skin. Focus on how relaxing it feels, breathe in and out. Think of what you want in your future. What makes you smile... and DONT THINK ABOUT HIM..lol for example I think about what makeup I want to buy or what look I want to do or what treatment to buy for my hair lol...
Makes sure every bit of you is extra clean. There is something about me doing a little extra on cleansing myself physically helps me feel renewed. When I get out the shower I feel like I just took off a layer of pain..lol I know I'm weird but try it.
3 moisturize your body, put on your fav bra and undies, spray you fav perfume, look in the mirror and smile at yourself. Put an outfit that makes you feel sexy. CONFIDENCE IS KEY!!
4 Do your hair and makeup the way u love to do it. That makes YOU feel beautiful. Now I know you might get sad already at this point but fight through it. Focus on feeling beautiful for you. What helps me is that I know that he's not thinking about me and he's probably not even sad about it so why the heck am I? I am a very strong woman I hate the fact that a man can think he can break me, so I work hard to fight through it because I don't want him to win. I AM THE CHAMPION, I ALWAYS WIN! And if he lost something great then ill just show him. I wont give him the satisfaction of seeing me gain 30 pounds, crying, and especially looking like crap. Heck no. Life is short and I'am BEAUTIFUL. He will not take my beauty.
YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!!!! DONT LET HIM WIN!!!!
5 so now your all ready right... look in the mirror and admire what you just did. Look at yourself and smile. Be proud that you got up today, pushed through the pain and got yourself up to get ready. Now think about this, if you did this today, Why can't you do this everyday? Why cant you make this a routine?
If you do this everyday you will start to see that smile more and it wont be forced. It will be natural. and when you look in that mirror after a month, be freaking proud because your a survivor. You won.
Even if he doesn't know it who cares!!! You're not broken. Your putting the pieces back together FOR YOU. Your becoming more beautiful because YOU BELIEVE THAT YOU ARE. Your not depending on someone to make you feel that way.
If you're hurting right now cry, let it out. It helps to cry out the pain. You're releasing feelings, You're letting go of someone that was close to you. You're getting use to not saying their name, texting them or seeing their face or even hearing their voice. BUT you lived before him and now you will live without him. He was just a chapter in your life and if he wants to be in the whole book he will do whatever it takes to be in it. so keep living... Now get up, follow these steps and go to work or somewhere that you can keep your mind occupied. Don't miss a day of work, don't cancel on anything. Push through it. Give yourself one day to lay in bed and cry your heart out but after that don't be in that bed depressed. No man that can deal with hurting you and not want to heal that pain deserves to have your precious tears. #ItStartsWithYou
Feel free to email me on how the process is going. I love to read your emails. We can't always get through things alone. We often need motivation. And if you added a new step or tried a new one send it over maybe your step can help someone else. Theres a lot of heartbroken women that need it.
Pushing through the pain made me see a new woman I never knew I could be. Lost 50 pounds eating healthier, I'm wiser, smarter and happy with myself. I have my moments. But I'm ok with not being perfect. I still believe in love. I'm more positive and I aim for success. If I survived, you will... DONT GIVE UP!!
I had to rebuild
I had to survive
I had to find a way to live again
Confused, hurt, relieved, NUMB!!
I had to find a way not to die again.
Spiritually I couldn't take this again. How the hell did I get back into this?
How did I not see the signs
How did I not know what was before me
When he called me a bitch
When he through things at me
When he would come home the next day
When he would have girls texting his phone
I saw it, didn't want to except it
Back 2 life
Back 2 reality
I am amazing!!!
I am strong
I am worth it!!!
Realizing my worth was the day I got my life back
This beautiful woman staring back at me
I saw her filled with scars and fresh wounds
She placed her hand on the mirror
She looked at me with that save me look
I'm looking at her trying not to cry.
I look up and down and count all the scars and wounds
I told her it will get better
I looked at her and said Theres still life after death
The only way is up
Fear creeps up and i start to breathe heavy
Afraid of getting up is crawling up my neck.
Fear of failing is in my face
My heart takes over,
My spirit comes alive
I hear a whisper
'No weapon formed against me shall prosper"
I get up
Wipe my tears
Look in the mirror this time with fire in my eyes
and I look at her again
and say Back 2 life, Back 2 Reality!!!