As I sit here. Tears rolling down my face. I’m broken!
Even though I said we were done. As crazy as this sounds my hope was for you to think that losing me would be hard, and that our love would always bring us together.... It didn't, you never loved me. I secretly hoped you would wake up and see what you had. Wake up and be a man and do what’s right. But how can I wish for someone who rather hurt me. Who feels good causing me pain then seeing me happy. Ive seen you more happy knowing you were doing things to hurt me then when you were actually with me. You believed your own lies. Your scared of people lying to you because your a liar. You know how to hurt people for sure. You were scared of me being like you. I’m not you. Never was.
I hate you
I hate that I ever met you, I hate that I ever knew you. I wish I never met you.
Your the only regret I have.
The only person in this world I regret giving a chance too.
Why do I feel this way?
I feel this way because I gave you all of me and more.
I literally never tried so hard to make things right for someone. I literally did everything to make you happy and with a mistakes I made along the way I never tried to hurt you.
My intentions were always great.
I wanted us to be great
To be what we always wanted "REAL LOVE'
I stayed loyal. Even after our breakup. I stayed loyal even when you weren’t.
I stayed faithful. I stayed true to you. My heart was yours, my soul was yours.
As I sit here angry because your so toxic in my skin.
You're so deep embedded In Me that I want to scream.
I want you out of my system.
Like an addict going through withdrawals.
I want to get better.
I want to be myself again.
I hate this effect you have on me.
Your anger was so bad that a phone call would scare me. I would get anxiety instantly. All you did was accuse me rather than call to hear my voice. You were only romantic after you messed up, it was never to fully see me happy. I would so desperately want to see you smile after I got all pretty for you. Instead you thought it was for attention. I yearned for your attention. You're love and all I got was anger. The moment you felt like I was doing something wrong you took things too far and made sure you hurt me. I think mostly why I have this anger is because all the lies you created In Your mind was the complete opposite of me. The fact that nomatter what I did I couldn’t change that. You allowed others to poison what something amazing you had. You fed them your toxic lies of me to make you look good. You asked for other people’s advice rather then mine. You didn’t trust me.
I was everything to you when you had nothing
But you got a little money I was nothing to you.
You knew how much I wanted you to just love me. You allowed your sick fucking thoughts to take over and ruin what something great we could of had. But as I hate you, I forgive you. It’s weird and yet I completely understand myself. I forgive you because I let go of ever wanting to be with you. I let go of the hurt and tears you caused me. I let go of the blame you put on me. I let go of the monster you made me and had the nerve to play victim.
I became a monster because of you.
As I look at all the things I had to throw away, precious things that I could Never get back just to make you happy. Yet you was never happy. All the things you broke and you never replaced. All the promises you broke. I hate that you truly think I had eyes for another man where as sad as I have to admit this. I worshiped the ground you walked on. There was no other man Ive ever loved. No other man I could ever see this body, these lips touching. Yet your sick fucking thoughts controlled you. I fell down the stairs so bad and needed help, Yet your anger and pride allowed me to be suffer alone all because of your sick thoughts and you wonder why I left. Why I left your madness. And you have nerve to play victim. I WAS THE VICTIM. AND YET I forgave you. I believed if I stayed WHO I TRULY WAS . .
You would SEE ME.....
but you didn’t, Instead I allowed you to turn me into a monster. Thank God he was with me and always told me to stay true. Don’t get bitter. To forgive you. How dare you believe what was misunderstood and didn’t give ME THE CHANCE THAT I DESERVED TO TELL YOU. I never ever did anything with another man.
But you hung out with women.
Partied and had the nerve to be upset with a lie about me.
I’m free, I’m ok now
I’m ok cause a MAN that LOVES Me wouldn’t post another woman on IG on my birthday. Shows me how immature, How petty and your character. Your evil. You will do whatever it takes to hold on to someone being wrong so you can look good. I did everything for you and I think that’s what hurts the most. You didn’t deserve me. But you had me and I truly don’t care anymore whether you feel bad or you continue your life. I don’t care to receive a sorry from you.
This is my closer, wether you ever read this
You're a savage.
You had an amazing woman.
Now I SEE WHO YOU ARE.
YOU WOULD NEVER BE A MAN TO OWN UP AND MAKE IT RIGHT.
YOU RATHER FILL PEOPLE WITH LIES.
The way you destroyed me with your words. And never cared to make it better.
As I write how I feel I’m healing.
It’s ok, as I write this I feel myself letting go of you. I’ve suffered enough, seeing you post another woman was enough. I have never been with a man in hopes to be with you and this whole time you was with her, but its ok this is what I needed to let go and be open minded to another man loving me the way I should be loved. I’ve allowed you to control everything and still you were never happy and even when you had an idea of something wrong of me. Your first reaction is to hurt instead of find the truth. You don’t know the truth. But I’ll leave you believing such a ridiculous lie about me.
I’ll leave you hating me, your hating the WRONG person.
As I heal from this I know one day I will be good. I am strong. I am amazing and I know as much as my heart is in pain it still works. And I can see myself being with an amazing man that will be amazing to me as I will be to him. I will have it all. The fact that I can see myself with another man. Now I can see myself with someone truly making me happy. Why?
When you said to me with tears in my face that you realized I’m not the only woman. Not only did that leave me broken and feeling worthless. I also realized not only what a insensitive asshole you were.to watch me cry and tell me I'm not the only woman, I just couldn't believe I kept putting myself through this torture, how easily I was replaced and how quickly you would threw me away.
You hung out wit a woman right after me. So quickly while day by day as men would ask me out on dates I stayed home crying over you while you literally was with another woman.
Thank you, not only did you raise my standards. But you made me see that my heart works and I still believe in love.
Thank you for showing me that the HELL I went through with you didn’t change me.
Thank You because the tears I shed didn’t steal my smile.
Thank you because you made a stronger woman and you made me more confident.I
defended who I was til the very end.
I didn't allow what you thought of me to change me. Instead I'm more in love with myself because I see ME for the first time, I see how wonderfully made I am by God. Even though you didn't, doesn't mean that others won't. So as hurt as I am, I’m also healing and becoming better.
One day I will think of you and have no anger, no feelings. But for now I’m going to let this pain run through me. as it runs through me I know I'm letting go. I know that when this pain goes away. When this wound heals and as this will be my biggest scar, it will be the most beautiful.
I will proudly show my battle scars.
I’m a survivor. I’m a fighter.
My heart not only stayed beautiful but grew more wonderfully through the pain I conquered.
The storms I survived and the sunshine’s I will smile too.
I am my own sunshine.