Have you ever felt a pain so deep inside that you really felt you could die from?
Being in a unhealthy relationship isn't good at all, I'm sure we all know that. So why do we stay? Why do we continue to be in something we already know where its going to go? We as women continue to stay hopeful that he will change, hopeful that he will see what he has, hoping he will wake up and want to be a better man. The painful part is losing someone we invested so much time in. Most of all someone we put all our energy and soul too. We don't even realize that we lost ourselves trying to please these men that didn't even give us the same in return.
They say they love you everyday and yet those words feel so fake to you. You wonder if its true but you will never know. He's such a great liar. I saw Greys Anatomy today and I saw a part that made me remember all of this. Remembering giving myself to someone that didnt even appreciate any bit of it. Giving them a part of you every time you agreed to do what they wanted to do. every time you had no energy to do anything but the moment he needed you, your last bit of energy went to him. you didn't care because you were so in love that anything was possible as long as he was happy.
You have given all of yourself to him. when he was down you were there through even your down days. you did all you could to lift him up. Now your down and your not moving. your just there waiting on him to pick you up and after a few hours, days, months...
The pain level in your heart grows so big you feel your chest caving in. You look at him as if he's a stranger. Where is that man I loved? Where is that man that promise to love me and care for me. I hurt and he knows it. Yet he seems so peaceful sleeping while I'm restless in bed. This pain is so strong I know he knows I'm hurting. Yet he's there like if nothing is wrong.
WHY? why am I here? WHY? why cant i leave him?
Ladies have you been here? Its hard I know, but know that you read this just know your not alone. I feel like sometimes this makes us stronger and through that moment you cant see that but it does. Its not easy and honestly if your going through something similar just be hopeful for yourself now. Not for him or your relationship. Gain the strength for you, start to look in the mirror and see what he's missing rather then look in the mirror and seeing a worthless woman. Your not worthless. You deserve so much and it will take time but you are worth being treated with compassion, respect and love. Ive been here its not easy to get out. Don't lose yourself...