I get asked a lot of questions about being a single mom.
Why am I a single mom?
Is it Easy?
How do I do it?
Am I Scared?
Would I ever date again?
I decided to go back to what I do best and that's writing. Even though I have many other great talents but writing has always been something I have been 100000% confident in. Its' where my TRUE TRUE self come out with no shame, no fear, just ME. When I write I get into this mindset it just flows. (It's very freeing) when I'm done often times I make myself cry because it has been a life struggle to get people to understand me and I've noticed my writing does effect people the way it does to me.
I stopped because life happens and like this title I am a single mom literally doing it all. I juggle a lot of things and I honestly get sidetracked a lot and I try to do the best I can and what I learned most is to not let it get the best of me. I use to be so effected by not doing everything but unless your in my shoes you just don't understand. I am the provider, mom, dad, role model, protector, good cop, bad cop...etc. I am the main one they depend on.
Thank god I have my mother and my sister that holds me down tremendously. I don't think a lot of my accomplishments would have been done if I didn't have their support. I am a dreamer yes but I am always determined to turn my dreams into reality at all cost. I refuse to allow my situation take me away from my purpose. That's what keeps my fire going.
I look at my kids and I truly feel like I owe them and myself the life we deserve, just because I don't have a partner to help me doesn't mean I am helpless. It just means I am doing a little extra and it will take a little longer but as long as I have air in my lungs I will continue to keep going.
Why am I a single mom, well trust me it wasn't because I chose to be, but I was put in a situation where I had to choose and I chose the best decision for my kids. I rather my kids see me happy, working and aiming for my dreams, doing whatever I have to do to live righteously, follow gods purpose and strive for greatness the way god created me to be, then staying in a relationship where they see mom unhappy, crying, sad, alone, just cleaning and cooking, laundry everyday. Now I don't knock women that stay at home believe me I was that but its not for ME. I am not that woman, because I was in that place where I didn't want to be but chose to be for my family, I became very unhappy and unhappiness was the main source of my life and my kids were seeing it. I was projecting that onto everyone and I was losing myself more everyday. So the choice to stay in a unhealthy relationship, where there was no improvements or choose to fight for a better life. I chose to fight for a better life. Unfortunately my dreams and aspirations didn't matter and so I had to choose to live my dreams and choose happiness alone.
I didn't want my kids growing up thinking that this is life. Seeing mommy unhappy and crying.
I want my kids surrounded by inspiration and happiness and I will do whatever it takes to make sure that is my #1 priority.
Is it Easy? HELL NO
Omg it's so hard, I still don't know how I do it. I get overwhelmed yes but God has been my main source and honestly, I have tried to always live a positive lifestyle so I am constantly watching, reading and researching on how to be a better me, how to gain strength and how to be as organized I can. Once you realize and accept not everything is gong to go as planned that sense of fear leaves and you trust that everything will fall into place and that if you just keep trying your best and keep fixing the mistakes and get better it will work out.
Honestly I stopped watching a lot of things that will cause me to think negative. If I do I make sure it's not the first thing I listen too or the last. I listen to motivational speeches all day long. Tony Robbins, TD. Jakes, Steven Furtick, Joyce Myers, Lisa Nichols are my fav right now. and I cant live without hearing something that fire me up and keeps me balanced because believe me things get thrown my way, things happen, people talk, and so when all these things happen I have to remind myself to stay calm and apply the stuff I learned to action.
How do I do it?
I just do!!
I don't make excuses for myself anymore, I don't blame everyone anymore. I am part of this too. This is my life and I chose this path too. I have to take responsibility. Since he decided that they weren't his responsibility doesn't mean I have to live angry or give up. I forgive and move forward yes I said it. I forgave. I let go, and pushing forward, I refuse to watch someone move on as if we never existed and I sit home crying. NO NO instead I make the best of what is happening and my kids are my WORLD. Their smiles, their funny ways and just watching them grow up and love me is the best. Plus I get double love since I'm mommy and daddy. I'm watching how loving and caring they are, how smart they are becoming and most of all I am their reflection and that makes me so emotional just thinking of it. I am watching my kids become amazing human beings and that shows the type of human being I am. and I am pretty amazing!
Am I scared?
Yes I'm scared that I wont get to show my kids what Love is when your committed to someone. I don't want them growing up, jumping from relationship to relationship or thinking being alone is better. ultimately I want them to be happy and confident with themselves. But I must say there is nothing like being in love with someone and being on this high that you cant truly explain. Love is amazing but with the right person that is willing love and respect you the same way. So I fear that I wont get to show them that yes. However I trust that God will make all things happen and right for our future. I believe in that fairy-tale love and I wont settle for anything less. I believe that God will bring the love I deserve.
Would I ever date again yes. Right now I am so focused on HEALING. Healing wounds that were never fully healed from starting with my father leaving me and living his life as if I never existed. It all started from him and in order to truly move forward and gain peace I have to deal with my wounds, make sure my scars are fully healed and make sure my SELF- LOVE game is SUPER strong. but who knows what God's plan is. I could meet the man of my dreams tomorrow. I don't know what tomorrow is promised. But what I do know is that I have to be good. My pain from my last relationship was the worse. and so forgiving and healing is what I am focused on. No man deserves the weight of the last man.
So to conclude this I am truly proud of the woman I have become
I am proud of the mother I've become and how much I fight for them. How much they give me purpose. They keep me alive they keep my fire burning and I want every generational curse to end with me.
so whatever pain and challenges I have to face I'll take it for them I'll do the hard work and I'll learn it all so that I can be the best role model and teacher for them.
"I want to raise Legends not just humans"