I mourn the death of what once was a beautiful love. A love noone believed in but me. Not even you. I was in this world so deep in love with someone who loved the idea of love but truly didnt know the meaning of it. I was in this fairytale story alone singing thinking everything was perfect, even when the storms came I still danced in the rain. I was in love with the good and bad in you.
But then the bad took over and the storm stayed. Eventually I couldnt dance anymore..
When the bad started to change you and nomatter how much I would tell you I love you, Are you happy? can we do this together? The more you pushed away. When you pushed I closed in and built up this wall to protect myself. This wall that still didnt protect me because today still I mourn the death of us. I remember the happy moments and always wish I was there
They say you cant help who you love, I agree.
but I cant love someone so toxic, someone that didnt see what a great woman I am.
I cant be with someone that expected me to except his flaws, forgive him for every mistake he made but wasnt excepting mine.
This relatiosnhip was a one way street. I became controlling, I became aggressive. Becoming this woman I didnt even recognize in the mirror. Who is this? I'm angry, unhappy, lost, confused and scared of this monster. Who is he? Thats not the man I fell in Love with. This is not the man I wanted to have children with. This is not the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with...
When everyone saw you I didnt want too.
I wanted to believe you were this man I thought I saw in you. I wanted to believe my heart was right and reality was wrong.
I wanted to be this happy woman dancing in the rain again.
Waiting on a miracle everyday, waiting for you to see I wasnt the problem.
Now I have to deal with your hurtful words and you moving on as if I never existed.
I am strong enough to deal with all of this pain and still I stand.
One thing I'm sure is that My story will be one heck of a story. If I could love the wrong man that much, sacrifice my health and even my life for him and still believe in love. Then the next love I have is going to have the best of me. I walk away learning from all of this. I will always love you. My heart still beats for you. If it was my wish I would always pick you. BUT
it comes down to what I want and what I TRULY deserve. I deserve a everlasting love. I deserve to feel safe and appreciated. I deserve to be excepted of my flaws. I deserve a man that will love, honor and cherish me. Most of all to respect me and be faithful nomatter how hard it gets.
So as hard as it is move on I know that this is all babysteps and this is preparing me for a very beautiful future. I wish things were different but this is what it is now and I have to continue life as you did when you left.
RIP to Us